Somehow, i don't know why these days I fail to reach targets I have made for myself this holidays. It really seems frustrating sometimes when things just don't go the way I want it to be. Since March, my holiday plans have been changing. Found a new direction, and within weeks, motivation dies down and things don't go to plan. As I try to get myself together, a sense of motivation sparks off, but it is short-lived. Why? I really don't get it.

It seems like these holidays, I haven't really achieved anything yet. My plan to build up my english failed terribly. I failed my driving tests and have yet to get my license. I haven't really touch my Math practices despite I have revised the theory, and I know this won't do for math. Chemistry's going okay, since the interest in chemistry kept me going till now, but I have procrastinated my plans to begin  university chemistry for a month and a half. I told myself I will learn new biology concepts. Well, I did for a while but ever since I managed to get a copy of biology notes, I haven't touch it at all. Fitness wise, I haven't been running even though I bought myself a new pair of cloudrunner. Seriously, what is wrong with my life???

I don't know why but I have this feeling that my holiday is ruined badly. Very badly by my own hands. My life seems to be just in a mess which I can't pull myself out of all these.

Somehow, sometimes I feel like I really just returned to that "directionless" stage in 2011 before enlistment. This period just seemed to continue from that time I had. It just seems as though NS has never happened to me before. Is this a withdrawal symptom because I have nothing to do now? No focus in life at the moment, too much rest until I get myself lost? I really don't know. I don't want to turn out this way either...

 Now, I just really hope that my start of university life won't turn out to be like year 1 in JC. Getting all frustrated, struggling and uncomfortable with life and having thoughts of backing out. I'm just praying for it to be a smooth one, really. The first few months of JC was really bad, and I don't want history to repeat itself again.

I know this sounds stupid but somehow keeping a long hair makes me feel all this at times. Getting a bit pissed off by it already. I don't feel good at all.