YOLO - You only live once - is a phrase which I've seen it once during my Pre-ORD training when we had to make a stupid flag out of a tablecloth (wonder what the organisers were thinking) but I didn't bother to delve into it so much. It was until recently when I went out with my Spec course sectionmates did Saiful mention it again.

Sometimes in life, there are things which once gone, never comes back again. Time, youth, experiences, family and friendship is just the tip of the iceberg. I would find it a course of nature rather than to dwell upon the past. I am not trying to be mercenary or something. I'm one who actually cherishes a lot of things around me, be it people, things or places which I have once lived my life there before. I reminisce the past at times, or perhaps quite frequently about past experiences in life that I ave been through. Sometimes, I get that feeling of wanting to go back to live through those experiences again and fret not, I am referring to just those happy moments. The emotions that flow through me while just thinking back those experiences are just so overwhelming, too much sometimes that I want to jump right back into the past.

However, just at that spur of moment, reality holds me back from all those actions and reminded me to get with life and move on. A second thought came, which I felt was true. By trying to recreate the past, the present circumstances may not replicate the exact emotions that I felt back then. It could be due to change in the people you meet, change in the culture of a place, possible external influences or even a change in one's own mindset. Things change and nowadays, it just changes too fast, too fast for me to pack up my feelings and move on with life. Sometimes it feels sad to see things change so quickly and that I cannot do anything to stop it. Change, on the other hand, could be for the better on hindsight.

Perhaps it's that mentality that I have developed over the years which gets me quite readily to move on from one phase of life to the other. I personally feel a little regretful when I recollect the past, wondering how some events could have turned out otherwise had I taken another step. I guess that's life for ya, you only live once. All the rest would be just predictions of the aftereffects by taking one decision or the other.

Despite all these thoughts of what ifs, I have learnt pretty much to accept the reality and move on. For instance, friends you used to meet so often back in school or lived with like during NS, those people were companions whom I could turn myself to but as we go on separate paths as we grow up, relationships get diluted. Impact of one on the other fades and emotions diminishes. Is it time that has caused all this to happen? Or is it us who chose to let this happen instead? Sadly, I would say it's us. It's hard to keep friendships going from year to year despite not having much contact with one another. Some friendships diminishes as times goes by, not broken but just more further apart. Some continues to be maintained because everyone took an effort to meet up with one another and build on the friendship. Whatever the outcome, for my friends and I, even if friendships and emotions fades over time in the future, I will tell myself that at least it's a genuine friendship that I have made. Genuine friendships where even if we do not meet for a long time, there will still be related topics which link us together and conversations just keep on going. For me, even if there's only one such friendship, I will be glad to have that. Fortunately I know more people around me who will be a pillar of emotional support to my life as I move on. This shall be how I embrace changes and the fast pace of life with my friends as we continue to mature in life.

To cherish the moment and seize the day, the phrase YOLO really motivates me to live my life to the fullest, even if it may just seem stupid or mundane in another person's eyes. I going to turn 21 this year and really, youth never comes back once gone. To have lived my youth with satisfaction and happiness is something that I want to achieve. I am not talking about the material stuff like go travelling overseas or possess branded stuff nor am I talking about places like clubs where youth nowadays highly frequent. My definition of satisfaction in my youth is to have experienced things or learn skills that I have wanted to try, common things which most people already know but for 20-year old me don't. I always wanted to make meaning to my life by learning skills when young, so that when I grow old, it would be something I would have mastered and not a starting point for me. It's just simple stuff which you can imagine within the top of your head which just satisfies me. Running to stay fit, and complete a marathon at least once in my life which is something within my reach now. I have finally exposed myself kayaking, something which I have always to do but yet could not because of my inability to swim well. After the course did I realise that it's more of water confidence that  I need rather than pure swimming skills. I shall be going to learn inline skating tomorrow, something which I believe you would find yourself dumbfounded after reading this. Well, I don't want to see future Oliver being asked why he did not know such life-skill and feel old when he starts to learn all this in the future. Being young at this time of my life is something which puts me at advantage to go pursue dreams and venture out. Even if I fail, at least it would not feel all that miserable as in the future when I literally know that I can't do it anymore.

I once saw this picture on my news feed in facebook which compared the young, adult and the old. While the young has the time and energy, he does not have the money. The adult, on the other hand, while being financially stable, he does not have the time to spare despite the energy he has. Finally, the old has lots of time, money but realises that he does not have the energy much as before. I found it pretty intriguing about its description towards life and its limitations.

As the youth now, all I have to offer is time and energy but not the chinks. Time may not even be available at times due to studies. Sometimes those activities I mentioned above requires some money. I feel so small when I have to keep my budget in check and ensure my living expenses is covered. I tell myself that all this is investment for the future, skills and experiences which cannot be taken away and that money can always be earned back. All my spending ever since NS was out of my own pocket and I have not asked any pocket money from my parents. Though tough, I can at least be proud of myself that I am independent like some of my friends out there whom I know works hard to earn and pay for their own living.

Perhaps the just sufficient amount of money that gets me by in my life made me grow mature about spending money wisely. It taught me to take into considerations and make decisions wisely. That could probably be why I may be a little wishy-washy when making choices because I don't want any regrets. It made me clear about the wants and needs in life. Though I do pamper myself sometimes when I indulge in new shoes or clothes, I will ensure that it's a worthwhile investment to my life and cherish it.

I have grown to realise that things in life don't come easy and it's all effort and sweat, really. Having a phone is something evident for me. I have been using prepaid phone for 6 years now and even though many people suggested me to sign contracts instead, I refused because of the expenses. If I signed phone contracts, I would have to work to pay for the phone bills on my own. I didn't want to work because of fear that it might affect my studies and I'm lazy. I find youth something which should be enjoyed and not just all about part-time work to earn money. Sometimes I feel bad for myself when I am using prepaid for my phone but on hindsight, the need I had from phone was just basically calls and smses, something which my current phone matches and can offer (inclusive of whatsapp which is a god given already since it helps me to keep up with my friends). Thus, the additional convenience and enjoyment that smartphones nowadays features may just be a 'want', which may backfire and distract my way of life instead.

I am a techno dinosaur and proud. You may say I am just old-fashioned in my thinking. Well, I shall say I am not. I will move on to using smartphones soon, but the time's not ripe yet. The phone market just keeps changing and I will probably get a better one in the future.Maybe when I start to work and become financially stable, I will then start to indulge myself in all these little ones as much as possible since I may not have that time anymore despite all the money and energy like what I described earlier.

As I am writing all this like in the middle of the night, my thoughts and emotions just keeps flowing through me as I blog about this and think about my life. I'm glad to have written my feelings out quite smoothly tonight. Blogging really gives me a record of life which future Oliver will totally appreciate and because YOLO - You only live once, I am glad that I continued to have started and continued blogging all this while.